I'll never understand the human mind, and why it likes to torture itself so much, over and over and over. Or, maybe it's just mine. Maybe it's because I still care, and I still hang on waiting for the floor to fall out again. Security once ruled my life, the feeling of always being safe, always being able to trust. Now, I run from the possibilities of these feelings and put up as many walls and roadblocks possible. I wonder if I will ever trust again. Or, if I've lost that innocence, like a child loses when they first realise that their parents aren't perfect, or that "best friend forever" sometimes only lasts a few month.
So as I reminisce about the glorious sun, I also try not to remember my perfect garden, that was only threatened by a cloud every now and then and the fear of weeds growing in. For the garden is not tended to any more and I sometimes wonder what is left of it. It's beautiful memories permeate my mind, and causes rain in my real world. Not because of the bad, but because of how good the good was, and what it may take to get it back.
Shine on lovely sun, where ever you are.
