Well, today was rough.
Nonno John is totally mentally aware, but without a body that works. He tries to speak, but cannot be understood. His mouth is dry, and we cannot give him water. He can barely lift his hand, but tries to. He wants to spit out the phlegm in his thought, but can’t. The only thing the nurse could do was gave him an injection that will help dry up bodily secretions. He’s already so dry that he needs fake tear drops, and fake saliva sprayed on his dry tongue. They also turn him now and then to prevent him from getting more bedsores. I can’t even imagine what’s going through his head.....I don’t want to either.
On the bright side, he has at least 10 people around him all the time. Family has flown in from Arizona and Florida just to see him. There’s no much we can do but be there for him, and make him feel comfortable. God, I pray this does not drag on for him. The doctor told me today that he’s seen people live for weeks without an IV. Everyone is in okay spirits too, we laughed at times, and cried at others. For a few minutes things would almost seem normal, until reality hit.
It really started to hit me hard today, thinking about how different things will be once he’s gone. I’ve seen him at least every week, since the day I was born.
My mom is joining my Dad tomorrow, and they will be staying there until he passes. I feel guilty for not being there as well. If I went, I would have some serious school problems, but is that a good enough reason? Everytime I leave him, I tell myself to say goodbye for the last time. Now, sitting at home, I feel like I have to say it again.
I’m torn...
